Hollywood Romance

I've been watching a lot of "movies" recently. Mostly porn. Sure, everyone is tired, sweaty, and sticky with gallons of semen. BUT they also seem to be satisfied. Which is more than I can say about this relationship - why else would I be watching copious amounts of porn rather than being with you? I am breaking up with you!

Single (malt)

It seems like this drinking problem is really causing a rift in our relationship. You don’t like drinking and that’s a problem. Now please leave so I can enjoy a bottle of nice single-malt Scotch as a single. I am breaking up with you.

Shame on Fools

Fool me once? Shame on you. Fool me for the duration of a seven-year long relationship?

I am breaking up with you.

Italian Pastries

I was eating a delicious lemon-filled fagottini and it made me think of you. Like the crust, you are a little flakey. And like the name, you are a little gay. I am breaking up with you.

Courtesy of A Softer World 514

"You are a good person and I love you. This just isn't the life I hoped I'd have." I am breaking up with you.

You You You You You

You are probably going to make this all about yourself. And that's exactly the problem. I don't understand why everything in this relationship has to revolve around you. You want for me to completely change my life around for you, to sacrifice friends, family, job, time, space, energy? Well, maybe not sacrifice, but be willing to put them on the back-burner. All for you. I can even see this as an intense sort of love for another person. But no, in your case, it's an intense sort of love for your own person. Relationships are always a leap of faith, in a way. That means that both people should be willing to take that leap, though. You can't expect for me to give everything up, but not want to inconvenience yourself in any way? Wait, that's just not fair. And even though many things in life are not fair, relationships generally should be. What about me? What about what I want? And here's what I feel like is best for me. I am breaking up with you.

TMI

I hate that you constantly tell the details of our relationship to all of your friends. I think you miss the point of the world "intimate." I don't want for all of your girlfriends to know what sexual positions I like or how long my dick is. The fact that I got chocked up during Field of Dreams? I don't think that's anyone's business. I regret telling you anything personal about myself. It's an issue of trust. You're sort of a heartless bitch. A stupid heartless bitch at that. I am breaking up with you.